brozinski

brozinski @ 2008-05-23T10:20:00

2008-05-23T17:07:52Z

I am baffled. Just baffled.

There is a homeless man who lives around our store here. JR is his name. One day last winter our floor manager, Jared, found him behind our dumpster just sopping wet. Now to the credit of Jared and our boss lady Rosanne they have done everything in their power to make sure that he's been taken care of. But these people are staunch Utah Republicans. There's too much government and too many taxes and we can't have a Democrat in the presidency because he (or she) will make it a socialist state and we won't have any money of our own and so forth and do on. Which is fine. Those are their beliefs and they are entitled to them.

The first thing Rosanne does though is find which government program and agency will take care of JR and all of his needs. And then she complains about the homeless shelters, which are indeed in dire need of funding, while simultaneously complains about how high her taxes are and wonders why these shelters can't be any better.

Today completely baffled me. I directly quote from her conversation with the food stamp people.

"You know what bothers me about programs like yours. He's afraid to get a job because then he'll be earning too much money to be able to get food stamps. It's his safety net"

She doesn't want a government that takes care of people, but then she wants a government that takes care of people.

Sorry. Venting. There ought to be a way to make this work but these double standards (help people we know not people we don't) just drive me up the wall.

brozinski @ 2008-04-24T10:21:00

2008-04-24T17:46:24Z

Rehearsals began in earnest last night. The last three Mondays we've just been going over the music, twice with Suzanne and once with the conductor. Those rehearsals have generally not been very long, about an hour tops, although when you only have 54 measures (I counted) of singing that hour seems quite long.

Lot's of blocking and staging last night and I have learned a few things. One, I overact, which is probably not a surprise to anybody who knows me. Two, for Opera, which as we know is "serious music" acting is secondary to the sound that one can put out. Three, everybody at the rehearsal overacts. Fourth, this is very different than musical theatre and I feel like a straddling two entirely, seriously entirely, different worlds. There is hardly anything that touches. Yeah, there's singing and acting and dancing but it's completely different. And odd. I'm not sure I like opera. It will bear further research.

Last thing I learned, if you're nice and easy to work with the director will give you more to do. Lucky me.

I feel like I haven't seen my boys in a week.

It is Done

2008-04-16T18:42:10Z

Not the cold calling. I'm still trying to figure a way around that. The outstanding accounts. They were very nice but I'm going to treat myself to lunch at my favorite place, East Coast Subs. Best fake Philly sandwich and the best real onion rings ever.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I wonder how I'm going to do this

2008-04-16T16:06:55Z

I really do. I wonder if I'm just a whiny wuss or some such. I spent years on Paxil and it's assorted cousins for a panic disorder. Bad problems with them but at the time I thought that it was certainly better than the alternative. 2 or 3 years ago I found that the alternative had to be better than being on the pills so I went off them. Cold turkey. Something I wouldn't wish on my casual enemies. Worst enemies maybe, but my casual ones I like too much. Everything went fine. I'm doing things now that I never thought I would; singing in a professional opera, making money playing the piano, things like that. I've got more friends then ever before and I'm happy.

So why can't I make phone calls? Just can't. As my friend Jason will attest, I don't (read can't) make phone calls. I hardly call my own family because it is so hard for me to pick up the damn phone.

I come back to work after my operation and boss lady says that she can keep up on the daily balancing (which she can't, she takes the money home with her and does the balancing at night) and so what if I take over the school accounts.

Now the school accounts. They're kind of a special deal. We split our profit margin with schools that order their music from us. If we get 50% from our publishers, the schools get a 25% discount on there music, publishers give us 30% and schools get 15%. It's wonderful right? Anyway that we can help get more music in schools.

So I make a database of all the schools in the state, and some of the surrounding ones, and I mail out letters and I take orders and then I learn, which I really should have guessed except that we have someone else who takes care of accounts, that I will have to call all the schools with delinquent accounts. Boing! Heart in my throat. Oh, and by the way, would you call all the schools that you sent letters to. Boing! Oh, and will you call the publishers and make the orders and take care of return authorizations (story about that which makes me want to choke) and all that jazz. Boing!

How do it do it? I've been dragging my feet on a couple of other projects just so I won't have to do this? I know the worst that will happen. The schools will say no, the publishers will laugh at me after they hang up the phone, and neither of those things will affect me. What's the worst that could happen if I don't do this is losing my job, but it is so hard to make phone calls.

Don Giovanni and Pins and Needles that I am apparantly sitting on

2008-04-07T17:29:46Z

Well, my lady at the Symphony Chorus needed to know by Friday. I hadn't heard back from everyone on Friday so I sent an email saying how grateful I was to be considered but since I hadn't heard back from everyone I would have to decline but should further opportunities present themselves I would be pleased for consideration, and so forth. I find my formal writing skills are sorely lacking, oh what is the word, ... formality.

We get home from Idaho yesterday and sitting in my email box is a letter from my last obligation paraphrased thusly, "That is so cool, let us know your schedule and we will work around it." So I quickly sent another email saying I could do it and I hope this isn't too late and please let me do it, I'll wash your car, I'll be your best friend, and so forth. I don't think I came across as whiny and needy.

So now I wait at work, wondering if I really want to do this, because I'm not operatically trained and I know a lot of musicians and some aren't very nice if they think your getting special treatment especially if they don't think that you know what you're doing, and I kind of hope that Susanne won't let me but at the same time really wanting to do it.

I feel odd.

Don Giovanni

2008-04-04T16:48:57Z

A few years back, pre-Puffbird in fact, I was a member of the Utah Symphony Chorus. We sang a lot of great stuff, Benjamin Britten's "War Requiem" is the one I still talk about, and I had a great time. While I was singing with them though was during my time on the Paxil. I met Puffbird and my coping skills changed focus.

I ended up dropping out of the Symphony Chorus and another choir that I was involved with at the time (which is really OK because the conductor was, perhaps he has changed, an unbelievably emotionally manipulative person and I'm better to be done with him) and not doing very much with music for a good while. I played the piano and taught the odd, and sometimes even, piano lesson, but I missed my time in the choir.

Flash forward to a couple years ago, Puff sends me an email saying the Utah Symphony Chorus has a new director, Susanne Sheston who is really good, and they were having auditions and that I should try out or penalties would ensue. I try out, I get in and I immediately flake out. It's not entirely my fault for there were a number of upheavals going on in our lives at the time. I thought that I had made very little impression on Susanne, and if i had it would have been a bad one.

So, yesterday I get an email from Susanne. There's been a last minute opening for the chorus of Don Giovanni with the Utah Symphony Opera and she wants me to do it. I am floored, due mainly to the fact the I previously stated: I didn't realize I had made any impression on her, least of all a good one.

The reason I'm not jumping at the chance to do this is now that I'm making a fair bit of money accompanying, I'm also spending a lot of time doing it. I have previously committed to being rehearsal pianist for "Sound of Music" with our local arts council and I have recitals at the end of April and beginning of May for the students I accompany, and two students that I work with at the Salt Lake School for the Performing Arts are going to the State Solo and Ensemble Competition. All of these are smack dab in the middle of Don Giovanni. Which bums me out. It would be a $400 dollar check and I'd be in a freakin' opera. A professional opera at that. It is so cool. Whether I like Mozart or not, it's a frakin professional opera production with a professional check.

My day will be spent planning the next month to the minute to see if I can do this.

In the name of all that is Holy

2008-03-31T22:08:42Z

If this is true I will have to do some terrible things to somebody somewhere somehow.

Madonna wants to remake Casablanca

I know, I know. Happy thoughts. Happy place. Watch my DVD of the original when men were real men, women were real women, and small furry animals from the Andromeda Galaxy were real small furry animals from the Andromeda Galaxy.

(Weeping silently to myself in the corner)

First day back at work

2008-02-27T16:47:03Z

I don't think I'll stay very long today. Already in more pain than I've been in for a week. I fear what has happened for the last week. They weren't sure I was coming back today but it was still 10 minutes after opening that anyone else arrived.

I think not fun work is a bad influence on me. I've been pretty happy. Now I'm grumped.

Hmmmm.

I need to figure this out.

Recovery

2008-02-26T23:19:57Z

I've been home/in-laws for about a week now. I guess you count this as day 7 after surgery. I still can't sit up for very long which will make both work and fun work (which actually pays me a lot more than real work) quite difficult. Oh well, at least the wound isn't itching yet.

Oh crap.

Scratch scratch scratch.

Not that I'm really scratching of course, but oh how I wanna.

On a lighter note, taxes are done, check from Gypsy is in the mail, and I guess that I will finally see "The Sound of Music" all the way through for that is my next musical.

Hope everybody is well.

Surgerized

2008-02-21T01:32:19Z

I'm back from surgery. I may be dead but I think I'll get better soon.

All well wishes are now being accepted.

Pigs

2008-02-11T18:10:05Z

Sometimes I'm a pig. I'm not sure I should be allowed in civilized society.

I'll go hang out with the Grammy crowd where my petulant childish behavior should go unnoticed.

Music: Attack and Decay

2008-02-05T17:43:13Z

Last year I read a very interesting, if a little weirdly written book called This Is Your Brain on Music. It explores how different regions of the brain react to music, it talks about memory and archetypes and it is just really interesting.

In the middle there was a part where they talked about splicing two parts of different sounds together, the attack (the initial blow, strum, pluck) and the decay (the rest of the sound). People couldn't discern which instrument either of those sounds came from and it coalesced into a new instrument.

Kind of a long build up to this. On NPR this morning they were talking to a composer, Stephen Scott, who writes for bowed piano. It's modern, which I like, and it put me mind of this interesting phenomenon of the brain. Heres a video and I recommend the book highly.

Another day

2008-02-04T16:57:06Z

And now, some twenty-five minutes after we open, along strolls the son and floor manager of the store spouting "Never fear, for I am here."

Question

2008-01-31T19:09:36Z

Out of curiosity, and so I don't have to call my surgeon, does anybody know about playing the piano with, and more importantly recovering from surgery to repair, a hernia?

Ahh, The Forgotten Instruments

2008-01-31T18:39:34Z

I am so happy. As I was wondering and browsing the Naxos Music Library I found an entry for a composer that I had not heard of. Not really surprising in itself, there are a lot of composers whose name I don't know. His name is Kalevi Aho and he's Norweigen, Norwiegin, Norweigin, from Norway. I think to myself how bad could this be? He has written two very modern concertos for, wait for it.......... accordian. They are cool.

It's weird to hear "serious" music from the accordian. Polka music this is not.

Minus Tracks

2008-01-30T17:08:35Z

I don't want this journal to become a gripe fest, which apparantly it has looking back, but if you give someone one week to learn a musical like the back of your hand, have him make some extraordinary concessions at work to be able to pull off rehearsal pianist for high school rehearsals, and ask him if he couldn't put off a hernia surgery until after closing night although he is in great pain your better darn well let him play the performances and make sure you do your job to get an orchestra to play with him.

GRRRRRRRR.

Next post will be happy smiley, I promise.

Early morning irritation

2008-01-29T16:48:05Z

I get to work at 9:00am every morning, mostly anyway. The store doesn't open until 9:30am, so I have time to get started on my balancing before I end up needing to help customers, which I do although it no longer is in my job description. I have lots of other things that I can barely keep up with, especially with Gypsy right now, to help with customers on the phone when I know, and can see from by vantage point, workers on the floor who could help. That is only a slight irritation. The greater one is this. As I began posting this the floor manager (read son of the owners and person in charge of opening the store) had just barely walked through the door 10 minutes after we opened, which would bug less if it happened only once in a while but it is every (expletive deleted) day. And then he disappears for 10 or 20 minutes at a time during the middle of the day or is making personal phone calls that last a very long time while on the floor with customer milling around waiting to be helped, or complaining about his wife to somebody who is not his wife.

Am I being childish? It is only 10 minutes in the morning but I don't get paid for what I do now let alone his job.

GRRRRRR

Loss of a friend whom I never met

2008-01-28T19:29:20Z

As many of you may have heard by now Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has passed away. Kind of surprise because he wasn't sick, but not really a surprise because he was 97 years old. I remember years ago, 13 really but who's counting, that he would be the next president of the Church and I was bummed. My only experience with him up to that point had been of him speaking on behalf of Presidents Kimball, Benson and Hunter. And boy was he dry. I was hoping for Thomas S. Monson. He told great stories. This was all before I understood the deep intricacies of the succession of the Prophet. Longest serving member to the Twelve and all that, which is course subject to change depending on revelation.

As the years have passed I have grown to love this man that I have never met. In all of his speeches and interviews he has always seemed very genuine and true to himself and what he believes. And I am suprised that his death has received national coverage. I still think of Mormonism as a podunk western religion of only little more than cult status. I mean, if y'all will indulge a brief divergence into religiosity, I really believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in spite of it foibles, which I blame more on the imperfections of man than any weakness of the religion, but it used to be much smaller. I look at it like my nieces and nephews. I picture them at 5 years old, and I imagine the same will happen with my own children. They'll be stuck at some much younger than they really are age in my mind.

I like that we are perceived as less strange than we used to be. We are strange. Some of our beliefs are really very different. I am not going to pretend otherwise, but it does please me that we are more understood.

What does kind of stick in my craw though is this. The news here last night was filled with pictures of earnest looking youth with candles and tears glistening in their eyes and singing the hymn "We Thank Thee O God For a Prophet." And today I hear from the floor manager here at Day Murray Music that he had heard on the radio that we should dress up as a show of respect for President Hinckley. It's very sweet I know but the whole smacks to me of the Pharisee's yelling their prayers from the street corners saying how much more holy they are than you because they are so much louder in their devotion.

To me, the best way to respect the man, who was indeed just a man although one of the very best men, would be to live the religion that he had lived his life for, that he had spent countless hours teaching to us by his every word and deed.

I will miss President Hinckley. And I will try to live my religion the best way that I can. But I'm not wearing a tie today because I heard on the radio that I ought to. I'm wearing a tie today because all my jeans are dirty.

Wednesday Morning Pick Me Up

2008-01-23T18:26:35Z

Since I'm feeling a little bit down I have gone to my current favorite pick my up. Kristin Chenoweth is an honest to goodness Barbie doll but she can sing and she can perform and this always make my smile. Enjoy.

Hernias and Gypsys

2008-01-23T18:12:34Z

It has been a while. If there is still anybody out there (besides Puff who already knows all of this) this is what has been happening lately, and less lately. I have begun work at Day Murray Music, my dream job from when I was but a wee lad of 16 years old. I have found that it is not so much the dream job of a somewhat older than 16 year old with a wife and 2 boys. Setting that aside for right now (and the insanity of some of the business practices of a family run business)I have been able to make some very good contacts in the music community here in Murray.

I played for a musical last spring and summer and apparantly impressed the socks off of them. It was lucky that I got it. The director had gone through 12 pianists and had walked into Day Murray Music out of desperation to see if he could find one. Now I'm there first call and will be playing for Annie this year. I made some great friends who helped me with my confidence. As many of you know I'm not very confident in my piano playing so what happened next was kind of a big deal, for me anyways.

We have studios here at the store that teachers rent to teach music lessons. The biggest studio is rented out by David Schmidt who's really good at what he does. He and his wife set up a charter school here in Salt Lake City. I thought, "hey voice teachers sometimes need pianists to be in their lessons to play, I'll talk to Dave about it and maybe audition for him." Well, long story somewhat shorter, he was also very impressed and said that as he build his studio with more voice teachers he will use me as their accompanist. Yeah me.

Then I start getting stomach pains. Different than my normal bad digestive ones. I thought they were nerves 'cause they kept going away. So life moved on, I did some piano playing, did some playing and then got called in November to be the rehearsal pianist for Gypsy for the Salt Lake School for the Performing Arts. My boss said I couldn't do it but after Christmas they still needed a pianist and I could do it.

Now the stomach pains get worse and I think that I should go see a doctor. I have a hernia. And it will need to be operated on. Gypsy people start to freak out. Can you put it off until after the 16th of February? Well, it really hurts and it's making me sick to my stomach, but I will see what I can do. The surgeon says I can get cut open on the 18th of February although he'd rather do it sooner. Blah. So, I have a hernia, we're gearing up for 2 weeks of performance for Gypsy, and I'm going to get cut open. Big year. But it's been fun.

I'm going to try and be better about updating. Ciao y'all.

Assorted sundries

2007-02-01T23:52:52Z

I'm still listening to music but I'm having a hard time writing about it. All my good writing is going to my English class where, it appears, I AM THE ONLY ONE WRITING ANYTHING AT ALL. We post our assignments to the discussion board and receive points. And then we critique two other posts to receive the rest of out points which is kind of hard to do when, as I previously mentioned, I AM THE ONLY ONE WRITING ANYTHING AT ALL. At least till 3 hours before the class. I haven't checked in the last 15 minutes. Yeah, still nothing.

I had an experience on Sunday with my music listening. I listened to a piece that I had heard before. Actually one of my favorite pieces. Mars from the Planets Suite. I spoke briefly of this earlier. This was a different recording than I have listened to before and it was exquisite. The tempo was just slightly faster than the recording that I own but that small increase in speed made all the difference in the world. It was like I was listening to it for the first time. It was driving and exciting and took my breath away. Holy crap it was good.

The recording and the conductor can make an incredibly huge difference in how the piece works.

Oh, and when I take an upper level math class, I WANT IT TO BE SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO IN JUNIOR HIGH.

Dvorak

2007-01-19T00:28:59Z

We started choir again this week. Well, they started choir last Wednesday with a workshop with one of the guys from Chanticleer, one of the best male choruses ever. I really like them anyway.

So, I missed that 'cause I scheduled classes around choir and then they move choir grrrrrr.

We're singing the German Requiem by Brahms and Te Deum by Dvorak. Good stuff. Just grabbed a few discs of Dvorak's music from the library, after I paid a stupid big fine (slaps head), so now I'm back on track to listen to stuff.

Bad start. I'll get better.

School

2007-01-12T20:31:20Z

I've just finished my first week of classes. This is the first time I've been to school full time since maybe ever. It's interesting. Teachers still think they're cool when they're not. Same for students. Generation Yrs tend to get on my nerves and blame me (meaning Gen Xrs) and everybody else before them for whatever crap they have to deal with but every cool little thing that's come down is from their posse. Blah. It will go well.

Side note, an online chat class (ENGL 1010 which I have to take over 'cause I got distracted by Sprouts birth) is a really difficult thing if everybody in the class fancies themselves clever and funny. It would be much easier if they realized that I am that clever and funny, so they don't need to be.

My music reviews will get more regular now that I know what my schedule will be like.

Thoughts on Modern Music

2007-01-10T23:49:55Z

I listened to my two modern pieces again and I have some thoughts. First off...

Nocturne, Mark David Johnson (1993, revised 1995)
Invocatio, Steven Roens (1993)
New Music from Utah
Centaur Records CRC2360

Modern music, at least a fair bit of it, appears to be a lot like modern art and sculpture. Perhaps to a lesser extent modern literature, but my friend Jason can enligheten me there. They seem to be much more about texture than anything you might want to listen to, or look at, or read.

I can appreciate this. Steve Reich is actually one of my favorite composers exactly for this reason. His early work, which is what I am more familiar with, was based on phase shifts. He would take a snippet of sound and play two copies of it, one from each side, and gradually move one side out of phase. There are some incredible sounds and textures that come from this. Reich's work, however, is tonal. And built on a firm rhythmic foundation. At least a noticable one.

The two pieces I listened to were not. I did not understand them. Which leads me into an argument that I sometimes get in. I can see both sides and I often come down on both sides depending on my prejudices. The argument goes like this.

"I don't get it," I say.

"You're just not smart enough," is the reply.

"Bull. I'm plenty smart. All this shows is the ego of the composer, writer, artist." hackles are rising.

"No. You're just too dumb to get it. I'm smart so I understand."

"And you have no clothes on." I giggle at my overused reference to an old fairy tale. "If what the composer, writer, artist, had to say was so goshdarned important that he or she spent this much time and energy on it, why didn't he create an accessible work rather than this esoteric piece of poo."

I used to think that about Jackson Pollock. I would see his "art" as I would call it, with air quotes and everything, in books and people would tell me a revolutionary he was and I would say, "Bull." Then, just before Bean was born, Puff and I went on vacation to Boston. While we were there we went to the Museum of Fine Arts. They have on display a Pollock work. I don't remember what it's called now, I think "Revulsion", but it stunned me. Finally I began to understand what it was all about. His paintings are more like sculpture. You could see how he would throw the paint on the canvas. There was a fly stuck in the paint that he just left there.

Now, I'm not saying I completely understand or even like Jackson Pollock. What I am saying is that there is truth to both sides of the argument, and all it takes to begin to understand something is a little epiphany, like seeing the actual painting.

Listening to music based on interesting textures, including dynamic textures, in a car with a fair amount a road noise, on the freeway on the way home from Logan, is a bad way to try and learn about modern music.

Recommendations: Steve Reich, "Piano Phase" and "Come Out"

Two really modern pieces

2007-01-08T22:57:36Z

I listened to two really modern pieces on Saturday and am still trying to muddle through what I think about them. I don't have an inherent distaste for modern music, it's just a little less obvious in some it's mysterious ways. I'll need to listen to them again which is sort of going against my rules but they're my rules dangit, and I will do what I will.

I start school tonite also. My posts may become a little sporadic (giggle) until things settle down.