Friends

A Great Start
Here it is, the third Radio From Hell Show of 2010, and Gina is absent.  Apparently Buck The Truck Driver lost her voice and will be going to the doctor today.  Last year, Bill lost his voice during Sundance, but managed to tough it out because Gina had to travel to Egypt for the funeral of her father-in-law.  The year before, Bill was sick once again, but Gina was birthin' Li'l Mohamed, so Bill struggled through.  Bill is a much better employee than Gina.

It Was a-Swingin'!
On New Year's Eve, Bill invited over a number of friends.  He offered each of his male guests a lava-lava, the traditional Polynesian skirt-like wrap.  At first, Unka Todd would have none of it, but they finally managed to talk him into it.  In the end, all of the men were wearing lava-lava.  The discussion naturally turned to what was being worn under the lava-lava.  Unka Todd was wearing his underwear.  Bill never wears his underpants with his lava-lava nor his kilt.  Bill's beer-buddy, Matt, told the group that he always goes commando.  Bill hasn't tried that since college, but he was inspired to try it again.  Both Kerry and Richie expressed their disapproval with the decision.  Richie was worried about zipper safety.  Apparently Richie used to go commando in High School and managed to catch "himself" up in the metal teeth.  He recalled that the incident was somewhat painful.  Kerry was more concerned with chaffing and loss of sensitivity that Bill might experience whilst wearing denim jeans without underwear.  Actually, Bill was kind of looking forward to the loss of sensitivity.  No longer would it be necessary to wear three condoms during the act of coitus.

• People who are ok with just the way that things are, without any valid reason.
• People who won't let you leave the past behind ("You eat one finger and they call you a cannibal.")
• The economy.
• Single people with nothing going on who wonder why they are single.
• Kids who don't do their own homework.
• Kids who demand that you sit there whilst they do their homework.
• Richie being unable to get a free Tootsie Pop.

• The asshat dentist who talked Kerry out of the procedure for which he went in and then had the audacity to charge Kerry for a "consultation visit."
• The text message spelling Nazis.
• Lady Gaga
• Carlos Mencia
• The following names for children:
  • Cass!
  • Gerard!
  • Anders!
  • Bandit!
  • Gunner!
  • Houston!
  • Patience!

• Bill's mother trying to leave a voice message.
• Winter coats that look like bathrobes.
• Face studs that look like moles.
• East High School's reader board which reads, "East High: Where Amazing Happens"

• Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  It's just that yours is stupid.
• What do you mean my birth certificate expired?

( It's not long, but it's a little ranty. Also, I swore mildly in a few places. )

It's been an interesting week!

Printer and Prints!
On Monday, our new Epson Stylus Photo 1400 arrived. (We got a screaming deal, courtesy my brother-in-law -- who buys gadgets on sales you can't pass up and then discovers he has no use for them.) He also gave us a ream of decent paper -- I think it's in the 12 x 18 range. As soon as I can get the hang of using this printer, and I'm satisfied with the quality, I will be using it to create prints! Watch this space for more!

Art!
Yes, I dusted off my sketchbook and did some work!

Like this:

Current Mood: productive
Current Music: They Might Be Giants: Here Come the ABCs

Spots the Space Marine is a twice-weekly crowd-sponsored serial. Find out more and read prior episodes.

"The Birdcage," officially the Landing Bay, a large hangar. Men and women are marching out of a shuttle; behind them come an additional line of six stretchers. More people are unloading what remains of the ordnance from Depot A from the back of the shuttle.

Peaches is standing rigidly erect. She doesn't wait long: a young man approaches her, wearing a lieutenant's service uniform. Ordinarily he'd be handsome, with blue eyes, a fading tan and a Gallic nose. However, impeccable grooming does nothing for the circles under his eyes and the hard and distant look his gaze defaults to. She salutes him; he returns it.

"Lieutenant Savannah Bonnet."

"Paul Avril." He offers her his hand. She shakes it. "Good to meet you, Lieutenant Bonnet."

"Savannah, please."

"Then call me Paul." He smiles. "Nice of you to offer your hospitality. I hear you have a pest problem."

"Like a bad motel, I'm afraid."

He grasps her shoulder, a gesture both natural and genuine. "I read all about it on the way here. Tell me how we can help."

Peaches, surprised. "Well, we could use some warm bodies to spread out the patrol schedule...."

"You have some suggestions?"

Peaches. "Ah... yeah, I drew up a few tables based on your ready reports."

He grins. "Another go-getter! Great, we'll take care of that the moment you show me my office. Get your people some rest."

Peaches, surprised. "That would be great. This way, I'll introduce you to the staff."

I hath tweeted:

• 16:10 Exhausting day! Juggled phones for three jobs at once and coded like a maniac. #
• 19:03 YUM! Halibut, asparagus, mushrooms, ginger, garlic and soy over calamari noodles. I have bellydance in an hour, I hope I can waddle there... #

BING!!!
Whilst Bill was introducing the Radio From Hell Show, Avatar went on to make another $10,000,000.  Everytime a bell rings, Avatar makes another million.  Kerry still hasn't seen the movie, which shocked Bill.  He really wanted Kerry to see it.  It has no plot, nor characters, but it's 240 minutes of pretty landscapes.  Kerry just really isn't excited about it.  He read a side-by-side comparison of the movie with Disney's Pocahontas and it seems to be identical.  Another reason is that Sue has decided that she doesn't want to go to the movies anymore.  She and Kerry have a great movie set-up at home.  Why go and watch the movie with other people?  Neither Gina nor Bill understood that at all; the movie theater is a wonderful escape from the home life.  Gina can never watch a two-hour movie without being interrupted by the children.  She just loves to go to the theater and spend her eight-dollars on popcorn and enjoy the solitude.

Hello?  Yeah?  What?
Shannon is too loud.  Jeff Vice is a mouth breather.  Radio From Hell signed a new contract.  The Zone won the fundraiser with a $100,000 check, but X96 did beat the station with the never-ending soft hits.  Bill likes to prick his eggs with his egg-pricker, then put them into boiling water for 10 minutes.  After that, he runs them in cold water until they are room temperature; they peel easily.  The United States has the best health-care system in the world.  After all, if you're suffering from abdominal pain, and need a surgery, and your insurance carrier won't pay for it because it's a "pre-existing condition" you can always win a contest on X96 and pay for it yourself.  Kerry is now the leader of the "League of Retards" in his new Captain America hoodie.  "That 'A' doesn't stand for France!"  Joining Kerry is Jeff Vice in his Spiderman Ski Hat.

Boners (brought to you by white chicken chili)
1. "911?  I Need a Ride to The Medicine Store"  A Florida man called 911 claiming that he had been beaten and people were shooting at him.  When police arrived at the scene, he asked to be taken to another bar.  After kicking an officer, the man was tasered and arrested for abusing emergency services.

2. "Stop Eating That Apple":  A Lindon Man, stopped by police for suspicious activity, was found to be eating an apple in his car.  The attending officer noticed a burnt residue on the apple and suspected that the man had been using the apple to smoke marijuana.  When the officer requested that the suspect stop eating the apple, the suspect turned his back and started eating at a more rapid pace.  The officer then removed the man from his car and tasered him into submission.  He was charged with drug paraphernalia possession, resisting arrest, and tampering with evidence.

3. "You Ain't Gonna Tase Me":  Florida officers arrested Jorge Garcia and charged him with child neglect after he attempted to use his child to shield himself from an officers stun gun.  Police found Mr. Garcia in the road yelling obscenties as they stopped another vehicle.  When officers approached, he returned to his car and refused to get out.  An officer brandished a stun gun and Mr. Garcia held up the infant and told officers to "Tase the baby."

Jorge Garcia is Boner of the Day

Bill Frost
Better Off Ted is a great show, but nobody is watching.  ABC will be burning off two episodes each Tuesday.  Life After People stars Peter Ustinov as he sits in the Library of Congress with his broken glasses.  Modern Family stars Benjamin Bratt as Manny's father.  Ugly Betty has moved to Wednesday.  Ghosthunters International.  That show stinks.  They won't find Hitler's ghost as they investigate a floating moustache in Vienna (it was Charlie Chaplin all along).  Nip/Tuck is nearly over.  Dollhouse starts its final three episodes.  Stacy London lies through her jeans.  Shopko sells Stacy London jeans and volt testers.  Battlestar Galactica: The Plan.  Big Love premiers.  Roman Grant is mobile.  Nicki is terrible.  Chakotay owns a casino.  The Praying Mantis is leaving the show.  Bill is running for the Utah Senate because The LORD told him to.

New Promo
"It's Kerry, Bill, and Buck the Truck-Driver on X96."

Opening Song
"Jesus Stole My Girlfriend"

Traffic Sign-offs

• 'Gorey and slippery?'  Reminds me of my time in Poughkeepsie.

• Eternity is a terrible thought.  I mean, when's it all going to end?

silvertales is doing a 30-sketches-in-30-days project; help her not run out of ideas! Leave her some prompts here and check out the first four days at silvertales_art.

ysabetwordsmith is running her Poetry Fishbowl today with a topic of hard science fiction. If you're into crunchy science, go give her some ideas here.

Borrowing shadesong's format:

Hugos
Who can nominate? Aussiecon and Anticipation members (Worldcon '09 and '10)
How does one nominate? Click here!
What's eligible?
• The Admonishments of Kherishdar (Novelette Category)
• The Worth of a Shell (Novel Category)

Also, I probably qualify under either of these categories:
• Best Professional Artist
• Best Fan Artist
Technically anyway, there are some truly amazing artists working today!

Nebulas
I'm not entirely sure how the Nebulas work anymore, I see they've been revamped... but I think you no longer need to recommend work, you can just nominate it until February 15th. If that's true, here's what would be elgible:
• The Admonishments of Kherishdar (Novelette Category)
• The Worth of a Shell (Novel Category)

Rose and Bay (New award for crowdfunded creative projects)
Who can nominate? Anyone! That means you!
How does one nominate? Click here!
What's eligible?
Fiction
• Spots the Space Marine
• Flight of the Godkin Griffin (which concluded last year)
Art
• Sketchbook Retrospective Project

(I request that you don't nominate the One Card Draws, as that would feel... kind of weird. :) )

That should be... everything that I know of, I think. By the way, the Rose and Bay Awards are new this year: winners are going to get an engraved plaque, though, which is pretty cool for a first year award! If you've done a crowdfunded project this year or patronized one, you are elgible for this award... yes, Patrons too. We get to nominate people who have done an excellent job of patronizing projects! I think this award is pretty cool and very important, so go have a look and nominate some people, or tell me about your project or something you've patronized. :)


Stardancer Home.

Current Mood: working

School starts tomorrow! <3

Word of the Day
matutinal, adj. : pertaining to or occurring in the morning; early in the day.

Three Kings Day Sale
...ends tomorrow with a bang! Watch for that. I'll be placing the book order on the 7th for those of you who bought books. I'll keep you updated on when those go out.

Baby at 28 Months
The other evening she found Mommy and Daddy's water glasses on the table next to one another, one tall and the other short. "Mommy's water," she said. "And Daddy's water!" And then she pushed them together. "They're FRIEHHHHNDS!!"

She was very adamant about that! It's funny how early the urge to anthropomorphize starts.

Current Plans
Spots returns this week! I have a Balance Card reading tomorrow night (mostly to remind myself because I still haven't bought a 2010 calendar yet); if you're interested in a 5-card reading, drop me a line/comment. Also, I should probably figure out what awards I'm elgible for and post about that.

I honestly have no idea what to do with myself on my evening off tonight. I should be writing Spots and working on the two big book projects (Godkin and Bright Spots) but I'm tired of staring at computers. Maybe I'll just go sketch.

Elsewhere
• Daily Drop Cap. Exactly what it says, a drop cap a day you're allowed to use on your blog.
• SPAWN: Small Publishers, Artists and Writers Network. No idea how good this organization is, but it exists and has a silly name. "Hi, I'm a member of SPAWN!" *facepalm*


Stardancer Home.

Questions? Suggestions?
jakeoftheweb@gmail.com
www.jakeoftheweb.com


http://books.google.com/books/serial/ISSN:0199574X?rview=1&lr=&sa=N&start=0
Old 'World News' copies on Google Books!  Fun even if you just through and read the covers


http://www.toxel.com/inspiration/2008/09/15/pedestrian-street-art-by-peter-gibson/
Pedestrian Art - stencil art interacting with road lines and crosswalks


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqdZFuGt1I4
Surveilance video of a guy throwing his bicycle at two people on a scooter - apparently purse snatchers in the process of escaping from their latest crime.


http://www.olympusbioscapes.com/gallery/2009/
Microscopic photography contest winners.


http://www.tomscott.com/weather/starwars/
Real-time weather descriptions of various earth-bound locations comparing them to Star Wars locales.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWR0_0YaEzI
A-Team intro / Star Wars mashup

But rewarding! Our bedroom is about half-sided, the dusty-awful tapestries are all down, and the space feels a hundred times larger than it did two days ago. Having electricity in the right places is awesome. It smells like Christmas trees (pine siding!) and sawdust.

I had to ice my hands for a while afterwards, and I made naan (recipe number 4, not as good as the last one) for an amazing Indian dinner, and I coded a lot on Torn World (a LOT. And so much still to do!) and now I go to bed.

Zzzzzz....

Here are their icons, freshly completed these past two days: dracosphynx, archangelbeth, mintiikwa, endlessland, eseme, thedigitalkuri, bootheel, tuftears, stryck, ysabetwordsmith, genet, themaskmaker, akaihyo, razzek, puffbird and arielstarshadow.

haikujaguar

Current Mood: pleased

Happy Birthday Jonesie!



They Have Returned
Today's show is live.  Still doubtful?  Listen to that.  Hear it?  It's the sound of tumbleweeds blowing through the office.  Bill barely managed to get into the studio today past the Volvo-sized weed blocking the door. 

Have a Growlie New Year
Bill has rabbits.  Too many rabbits.  They're starting to stink the place up.  And they're horny.  And they're loud.  Bill and family have fostered a number of rabbits, but never rabbits that made noise.

Ass-less?
Whilst on vacation, Bill completely ignored his schedule for several days.  Finally, last Wednesday, he thought to take a look.  It was fortunate that he did or he might not have appeared on the TV for an end-of-year wrap-up show on The Vanocur Group.  After the show, he checked his e-mail for any feedback on his appearance.  One e-mailer thought that Bill had worn leather pants on the show.  That was ridiculous.  First of all, Bill was wearing black jeans.  Second, Bill doesn't own leather pants.  Third, Bill would never, ever wear leather pants.  The e-mailer thought it would have been highly inappropriate to wear leather pants on the show, and somehow equated this with wearing ass-less chaps.  Kerry and Gina agreed that ass-less chaps would have been inappropriate, but leather pants? 

Kerry never owned a pair of leather pants.  He once had a friend who swore that they helped him get chicks, so Kerry tried on a pair.  After about 5 seconds of intense sweating, Kerry decided that they were not for him. 

Over the vacation, Gina finally gave up on her leather pant dreams.  She had a pair of old suede, camel colored pants hanging in the closet.  She took them out to Joe and told him that she was giving up on ever fitting into the pants again and was giving them to the DI.

In other news, Gina did not train for her half-marathon during the holiday vacation.

Boners (brought to you by chicken burritos)
1. "I Am So Sleepy":  A guard at Riker's Island prison has been suspended for 30 days after being photographed whilst sleeping by another guard whilst an inmate posed for the photograph nearby. 

2. "You'll Eat It and Like It":  Elsa Benson of Kerrville, TX was charged with abusing 911 after she called the emergency number more than 30 times within a six-month period.  She was finally arrested after she called 911 to report that her husband refused to eat his dinner.  Ms. Benson had previously called to report that she couldn't find her clothes and that her dogs had gotten loose. 

3. "You're Not Santa":  A drunken 19-year-old woman in Indianapolis, on her way into a Pacers basketball game, pulled the beard off a posing Santa, and then pulled the hair off of his head.  Police saw the woman take a photograph of the Santa before attacking him then laughing as she entered the arena.  Officers found a bottle of vodka hidden in her shirt.

The 911 abuser is Boner of the Day.

The Things That Wouldn't Leave
For six very, very, very, very long days, Kerry's home was filled with children and their parents.  That is much too long for a visit.  What is even worse is all of the things they left behind.  First, the advent calendars, filled with chocolate crumbs, dumped behind the television, the long black hairs embedded in the bar of soap in Kerry's bathroom.  Then, for the coup de grâce, five full diapers wrapped up and left outside the back door. 

Indefensible
Gina's not going anywhere near the new Dubai tower.  It's too big and she doesn't trust it.  Sure, the chances of anything happening are infinitesimal, but the chances are zero if she doesn't go near it.  By the way, clean houses don't burn up in fires.  Gina's contractor, Phil, who is also a fireman, told her that.  Phil called in to report that they do say that, "clean houses don't burn," even though it is an indefensible statement.  It's just something they say.  Speaking of things that are just said, but not defensible, Radio From Hell is the #1 radio show in the entire country.  Sean Hannity can suck it.

Traffic Sign-off
"The most important thing you can learn is to quit while you are a head."

Gina's Sign-off
"I don't have any flaky paint."

Kerry's Status
Kerry was on the show today.

Episode #5325
Days until contract expiration: 1183
Edition 1093 of Atropos' blog.
Day 93 in which Bill loves Mrs. Bill even more than he did the day before.

...and...

Only 309 shopping days left until Gina's Birthday!

brozinski is back at work, Bean is back at school, and Sprout and I are mid-way through post-vacation laundry this morning, which is a fine, meditative, satisfying process. :) I never thought growing up that I would feel that way about laundry.

So it's back to the regular routine, post-holidays. It feels kind of nice.

Holiday Flavoring
For just a taste of what our holidays were like, I'll describe the toys my boys spent their most time playing with over Christmas.

Bean got a Snap Circuits Jr. and spent hours playing with it -- enough that he got through 22 of the 100 projects in the booklet, in just two days. Score!

Sprout, who likes to help in the kitchen, got a set of toy stainless steel pots, pans, and cooking utensils. I drew electric stove top coils and dials on the back, and he "cooked" for us for hours. Score!

Weekend
We had a lovely time in Idaho with family. I took clothes that emphasized comfort over attractiveness. I don't know if it directly correlates (or if it has to do with my only maternity pants giving out in the knees), but... on Saturday my mom took me shopping to use my really nice Christmas gift certificate. With that, Mom bought me a couple super-cute maternity shirts and trendy pants that fit, and I am happy. :)

Progress
I posted my accomplishments and goals over the weekend. Part of me thinks I'm being optimistic. It's more a list of things I would like to do, rather than a list of things I think I can achieve. But I shall do my best!

Since I've been out of town, I haven't made progress on anything yet. Never fear! I will. :) I feel like I have a lot of energy back. Now if I could just kick my cold, and could feel more like myself than the Swamp Thing, things would be going great.

This Year's Mantra
Life Affects One's Priorities.

My priorities: My family, my health, my happiness. So far, so good.

Current Mood: busy

Over the weekend it was briefly cold enough for a coat, and this occurence being so strange my mother decided to take an impromptu photo of me with her iPhone. The resulting photo actually looks like me: like I feel inside my head, like I see myself in the mirror and how other people see me (if reactions in the room were any indication). I've been thinking I need an author photo for the back of my nonfiction book... and I've decided this is it.

You've seen my hair (here, here and here) and my hands already, and a lot of you have seen me at cons. For those of you who want to, then, here's my face; beneath a cut in case you want to preserve the mystery. :)

( The Author )

I'm still not a huge fan of spreading photos around on the internet, so I don't expect I'll be posting stuff like this often (and I'll probably keep un-tagging photos of myself on Facebook). But I think this one will do. As my daughter would say: "HI EVERYBODEEEE!"


Stardancer Home.

Current Mood: revelatory, ooooh
Current Music: Troodon Night Train

Muscles and fingers hurt! Between chopping wood, yesterday's power wrangling, and putting up a whole lot of tongue and groove in the bedroom today, I am well worn. But the bedroom is looking a LOT nicer. No more extension cords stretched out across the floor! I have a light next to my bed again! Yay!

Looking forward to some writing tonight.

And the first batch of Stardancer icons is done! In order: dracosphynx, archangelbeth, mintiikwa, endlessland, eseme, thedigitalkuri, bootheel and tuftears:



Your icons have been added to your Profile pages on Stardancer (go check them out by clicking on "Account" in the top right when you're logged in!). You can also nab them and use them for LJ/Facebook/etc, whatever pleases you. The next batch is in progress now, I hope to have those ready soon. :)


Stardancer Home.

Current Mood: whoo!
Current Music: The Great Big Dinosaur Holiday in the Snow

Good news, everybody! (Boy, Futurama ruined that line for me forever. >.> ) You can now Favorite (and unFavorite) sketches on Stardancer by clicking on the link beneath the sketch while you're looking at it. Once you do that, it (and all your other Favorites) will show up on your account page so you can re-visit them later.

This is wonderful for me, because I'll be using the Favorites to see which sketches people really like—they'll get prioritization for when I finish things!


You can also now edit your profile, which means you can write a short description of yourself for your profile page. When I'm done with the icons I'm working with, people who've hit 100 comments or more this year will also have their Stardancer icons up on their account pages.

(People without icons, if you start commenting frequently enough I'll make you an icon for your profile page too!)

Anyway, you can access your account using the upper right hand corner navigation bar when you're logged in. :)


Many, many many thanks to dracosphynx who went from me telling him about mintiikwa's suggestion yesterday to having it done this morning when I woke up! I am planning special spy surprise for that. >.>


Finally, I'm planning a surprise for tomorrow! Be looking for it here on LJ. :)


Stardancer Home.

Current Mood: working